I am standing outside of the window staring inside seeing my former self having an argument with someone that bit of a blur. I have a feeling where this is going as I had this dream for the last few days so I just walked away. Going down a street, that is not the symbol of wealth but a world without, until I reach the same bar from the last dream.
The bar looked the same as it always did in this dream. The bar looked a bit worn, with the lights dim and some quiet music in the background, but everyone looked relaxed there. Walking up to the bartender, an older gentleman who looked like he had been in a lot of battles in his time but had a well-trimmed mustache, I ordered the same drink named duskmate.
The older gentleman smiled. "There aren’t a lot of folks around here that order this drink. Though I can say it is a classic."
"I guess not a lot of people like my comfort drink around here."
"Here you go" he places the drink on the counter.
With a duskmate in hand, I sat at the corner table that overlooked everything. I tried to make out what the other around me were saying again but it never made sense. So like before I just have to wait.
I stared into my drink, its dark surface like a void. The more I look the more of the fragmented memories of this dream surface. The person I was talking to was an important person in my life at that time. The conversation felt a mix of emotions that I had to slowly push down pushing dagger into my heart. Pulling my view out of the loop I look around the bar again. The people around me either looked like they were enjoying themselves or just got done with a hard day's work. Was I more like these people or was I always like the person of this dream?
After being there awhile, maybe after a third drink, I took another, and now a woman is sitting in front of me. I didn't see her sit there. She looks like a kitsune with a black cape over what looks like a kimono with armor that is more of a corset than anything and armor guards all with black theme with crimson accents. When I take a closer look at her face she has long blonde hair with some face-framing bangs and some red highlights, there is a feeling of otherworldly feeling in her violet eyes and simple ear clips along with a necklace with a key attached to it. I had uneasy feelings about this, I am not sure if it was because of her or that this never happened before.
"Come here often?" She says with a mischievous smile.
"No, this is my first time being here." My voice comes out steady, though something about her unnerves me even though this is a dream.
"Oh, that is very strange. I could have sworn I'd seen you here for the past three nights." Her voice comes out smooth with each word drawn out as if savoring it.
The weight of her stare feels like she's penetrating the layers of me to reach the things that I want to keep hidden. It's just a dream, I tell myself again to keep myself calm.
"And if have been here last three nights. What does it matter to you? Are you some kind of guardian or a demon?"
"Guardian? Demon?" She laughs softly, more amused than insulted. "I suppose the truth depends on who’s asking… or when. I am just curious to check to see what you are and what you remember"
The word 'remember' lingers in my mind as if rubbing against something that I should reach deeper to find.
"Why should it matter what I remember?"
She leans in closer, the faintest smile tugging at her lips. "Oh, you don't know, do you? Don't you ever wonder why you keep coming back to a place like this?"
"Place like this?" I look around, noting the dim lights, the worn tables, and the faces that look like anywhere else I have been. "It's just like any other bar, nothing special."
She tilts her head, a single blonde lock slipping across her cheek. "You keep coming here over and over like a moth to a flame. Not knowing what your fate lays in store for you. When you leave this place you will come back again.. Nothing more and nothing less, my cute maid."
Her words unnerve me pushing something in me, but I don't let it show. I don't want the feeling that she won.
"I am no moth this is just a stop along the way."
Her smile deepens, her violet eyes narrowing with something almost like approval.
"Bold words. But words are cheap and will not keep you safe in the end." She leans back, fingering the chain around her neck, her thumb brushing over a key that dangles there. "I have met many like you before and I know how this story ends. Why do you think this is just a stop but a symbol of what is to come once again."
Pushing down my anger as she doesn't know who I am or what I am. "What do you want from me?"
She pulls a book from beneath her cape, setting it between us with a reverence that feels a change. "Take this. You picked this out anyway, right? If, indeed, there is an end."
I reached for the book picking it up, it was heavy but the cover was smooth and warm under my hand, almost alive. But it feels like something is pulling me back to not trust this. Looking at the book more it looks like the book I picked from the library.
"And what if it is not mine to choose?"
"That is life is it not?" Her smile fades, her expression turning serious as sadness creeps in. "Refusal won't change anything."
In that moment I could feel the book get hotter as something in the core of the book rising.
"You're tied to this as much as I am tied to you. Things in life are not easy or planned. But one certain thing is you will need this one way or another. So, don't forget me—or this—in your time of need. Unless you want a short life in this world."
The woman stands, leaving as smoothly as she arrived. The bar seems so much emptier with her leaving as she fades out from the scene. I barely register the figure that now enters the bar, the figure of my former self.
I can hear her voice one last time, soft as a whisper but as sharp as a blade.
"Maybe this time will be different. Some paths only need to be walked once."
I pick up the book again to see if it leads somewhere else. When I open it, it instantly closes. In that instant, I was not in that bar anymore. I am awake in the safe room. I still feel that odd feeling from the dream as it was meant to mean more.
I got up and walked to another room. I stare at my bag. The dream lingered, the kitsune’s voice sharp in my ears: 'Maybe this time will be different.' So I pulled out the book as I was thinking was it really a dream or something else? The book still feels heavy and warm like the dream. Even with this, I tell myself it was just a dream. But I still open the book just to see that it is still empty as it has always been nothing new or anything that hints at the kitsune.
Staring at the book for a while I just put it back to sleep.
At the dawn of the new day, we all start gearing up. For the last few days, Ryder and Varrick had me practice reloading automatic firearms as my world doesn't have ones of this type. I was given this gun along with a tactical rig as this journey going to take a while before the new safe zone.
DU with a smile on her face "Got everything because we are not coming back here."
"Yeah" everyone else replies as she opens the door out of the safe room.
As we left the room, the weight of the book in my bag felt heavier than before, a quiet reminder of the dream that didn’t seem like a dream at all. The kitsune’s voice echoed in my thoughts: "Maybe this time will be different." The words lingered like a challenge, daring me to uncover the truth that now seemed inevitable.
